If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response. Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum. And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized. When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends.
In the end, do what you're comfortable doing. If the other person responds well to it, great! If not, then who knows, it might be an indicator that there were fundamental differences in communication there to begin with, and you just saved yourself the time and trouble of finding that out some other way. If you did this 4 times in a row, I might think it was a little eager.
I just figured you happened to be online when you get the message. Don't over think it. I know we all do it, but I constantly forget to respond for several days or just can't think of anything clever to say or am too tired to write any kind of vaguely interesting reply.
It doesn't mean I'm not interested. Some people log into dating website once a week or less.
72 hour rule for online dating? - onlinedating okcupid resolved | Ask MetaFilter
Especially on a free site like OKcupid where you have nothing to lose by being a very casual user. If you had waited longer and she hadn't responded by now, you'd be asking us if you waited too long. There's no way to know what she's thinking. Writing back within the hour is not gross. Formulating a well-thought-out response is not gross. Someone wandering away after just one interaction for whatever reason is unfortunately normal, online and in real life.
One more piece of advice: This has the potential to distort your frame of mind. You do not want to lapse into thinking, "So! She has the time to log on to OKCupid to check out other guys, but apparently she can't be bothered to Don't you have some websites bookmarked that you check so often it's reflexive? At any given moment when I'm online, I'm likely to head to nytimes. Sometimes it's just "I have this computer with internet access in front of me and I'm bored, so I guess I'll go to one of my default sites.
You have no way of knowing, so try not to stress about this at all. I have no idea if she's waited a couple days because she's not interested or because she wants to take some extra time to write a good message. If it's the latter, she might still intentionally log in for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with you.
It IS you - why the longer it takes someone to reply to a text, the less they like you
Since you haven't even gotten to the first-date stage yet, it's entirely possible she's actively interested in someone else Or maybe she just got an email alert with a preview of a message from some random guy, and it's so horribly written that she wants to log in to read the message for a good laugh. Maybe she just quit smoking and logged in purely to change the smoking field in her profile to "no.
It would take a pattern of instant enthusiastic responses for me to be freaked out by a short response turnaround time.
For example, this would be both classic and alarming: Him, 7am - Hi you seem neat Me, 8pm - blah blah blah Him, 8: I am easily smothered. And I mostly get creepy, non-thought-out booty call messages on OKCupid. And I'm not a "you seem neat, let's go out this weekend, person I don't really know" girl. Think about it, but don't over think it. It helps to keep sending out messages to other people. Don't focus entirely on someone awesome in the early stages.
I try to wait at least a day to compose a message, so that I have time to calm down and not say something stupid. But I let freaking voicemail greetings marinate in the same way, so.
About the author:
I don't understand this rule you are talking about. What's wrong with being excited about communicating with someone and responding quickly? Honestly, if I knew the same was going through a potential date's mind while communicating with me, I would be extremely disappointed, because it strikes me as very disingenuous. If this sounds overly harsh, don't take it personally, since I don't really know you, but consider it a data point when it comes to the kind of mindset that would lead you to overthink the issue as you have. Thank you for all the responses.
If anything, the message would get shorter if I remove digressions. I am hearing the advice on not overthinking things. The first two responses came in so fast I thought I was being stalked. I am gaining it. They become the perfect FakeSelf, because it's what everyone seems to think they're supposed to do. Then they go on dates with people and continue that pattern of attempting to be the "perfect" and "attractive" FakeSelf, and then wait 72 hours to talk to the person again because that's the rule.
At this point, one of two things generally happens: You can't just suggest a date in the first message; the girl has to feel like she knows you well enough to meet you, and both the number of messages and the time that's passed since you first started your conversation will help give her that feeling. This is why you shouldn't instantly respond when she replies to your message; if you do, you may end up having to exchange a higher number of messages before she's ready to meet you. After five messages back and forth on the first night she will feel like she knows you less than she would if you had portioned those five messages out over the course of a week.
But even though time and the number of messages you've exchanged are important factors in building the trust the girl needs to meet you, you still shouldn't wait too long. As the weeks pass, your online relationship runs the risk of becoming stale and awkward; the excitement disappears, and you window of opportunity closes. Most guys have experienced something like this; you met a girl at a party and added her on Facebook, or you started saying hello to a girl at school, but time passed, nothing more happened and things became weird.
The same phenomenon occurs on dating sites. Don't reply more than once to each girl each time you check in, even if she responds instantly; leave it for your next session in other words, the next day. Your daily routine should also contain some other tasks. For instance, many sites will let you access a list of new members; be sure to go through it every time you log on, contacting girls you find attractive.
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- Online Dating: How Long to Wait Before You Respond?.